
Was told again today I should stop being so picky!
A few years ago I wrote a piece on this very subject.
On being "Picky"
People have an unrealistic expectation of the number of people they can truly connect with. If we are looking for the right kind of romantic relationship, then all of us might have one or two people during our lifetimes that we can actually LOVE romantically and LIKE as we would a best friend. There aren't twenty, ten or even five.
So many people ask me "Chris, why are you so picky?"... But picky does not exist.....
I prove it this way......
I ask these people a simple question... now just follow me for a minute...
I ask. "In the past five years, how many NEW people have you met that are today your DAILY best friends?"
Think about this... Most people will say 1) that they have met one new person or none... 2) that this person is of the same gender and 3) that their DAILY best friends are from long ago..
Now, this makes perfect sense... and if you answered the question, you probably had a similar answer.....
So I then turn it around and ask them the same question that they just asked me but worded differently...
I ask them “Why are you so picky about best friends ?" They look at me confused, and then they realize my point and it becomes very clear...
If we are looking for the right romantic relationship and not just a one night stand, finding this will be MUCH LESS FREQUENT than even finding a new best friend.... Think about it. If we meet a best friend when we are older it is most times someone of the same gender. So, to find someone of the opposite gender that we can 1) truly be best friends with AND 2) be attracted to physically and romantically is a stroke of luck.
Most people don't think about it this way and they get very frustrated with what seems to be constant failure. But this is not our failure at all. If you have met dozens of people and are still alone, you are on the right track and you are looking for the right thing.
It could take many years to find a true romantic partner to share our lives with or it could happen tomorrow.... BUT it can't be once every month or even twice every year for the rest or our lives.. It simply is not possible...
So, if you are going from lover to lover, realize that there is no way that a true romantic love based on deep friendship can happen that often and that you may be fooling yourself each time.
I just keep the romantic faith everyday that I will find her.
When I do, we will both quickly know that our years of romantic loneliness are gone forever.
All she need do is appear.
A few years ago I wrote a piece on this very subject.
On being "Picky"
People have an unrealistic expectation of the number of people they can truly connect with. If we are looking for the right kind of romantic relationship, then all of us might have one or two people during our lifetimes that we can actually LOVE romantically and LIKE as we would a best friend. There aren't twenty, ten or even five.
So many people ask me "Chris, why are you so picky?"... But picky does not exist.....
I prove it this way......
I ask these people a simple question... now just follow me for a minute...
I ask. "In the past five years, how many NEW people have you met that are today your DAILY best friends?"
Think about this... Most people will say 1) that they have met one new person or none... 2) that this person is of the same gender and 3) that their DAILY best friends are from long ago..
Now, this makes perfect sense... and if you answered the question, you probably had a similar answer.....
So I then turn it around and ask them the same question that they just asked me but worded differently...
I ask them “Why are you so picky about best friends ?" They look at me confused, and then they realize my point and it becomes very clear...
If we are looking for the right romantic relationship and not just a one night stand, finding this will be MUCH LESS FREQUENT than even finding a new best friend.... Think about it. If we meet a best friend when we are older it is most times someone of the same gender. So, to find someone of the opposite gender that we can 1) truly be best friends with AND 2) be attracted to physically and romantically is a stroke of luck.
Most people don't think about it this way and they get very frustrated with what seems to be constant failure. But this is not our failure at all. If you have met dozens of people and are still alone, you are on the right track and you are looking for the right thing.
It could take many years to find a true romantic partner to share our lives with or it could happen tomorrow.... BUT it can't be once every month or even twice every year for the rest or our lives.. It simply is not possible...
So, if you are going from lover to lover, realize that there is no way that a true romantic love based on deep friendship can happen that often and that you may be fooling yourself each time.
I just keep the romantic faith everyday that I will find her.
When I do, we will both quickly know that our years of romantic loneliness are gone forever.
All she need do is appear.